My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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