i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
