You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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