Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
