I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Barsexuality is the new black.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I am naked and annoyed.
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