so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
