I CAN MOONWALK!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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