God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize