Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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