Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
