i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So vagazzling was a success
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
