So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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