By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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