dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
