I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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