I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
