ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize