did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I hate all girls vehemently.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
