You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
