I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
