I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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