I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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