You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
