U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
