just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
