You're completely useless in the revolution.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dignity is for republicans.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
