You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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