i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
