the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
