I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Sacagawea was the original milf.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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