We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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