I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
