doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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