How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
