woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
