She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
