Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sorry my hands just texted you
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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