i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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