Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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