I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
