I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
