Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
