just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
should my penis look like a turkey
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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