I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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