I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
