No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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