he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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