i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
