I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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