I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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