Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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