After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
