i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
