definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
