I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
