Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize