i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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