So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
What a dumb baby whore.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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