Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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