Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
