guys are only as good as the porn they watch
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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