dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
