so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
