You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
