I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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