So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
