puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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