It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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