ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
