Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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