I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
