she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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