my being single is dangerous.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
