the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
