I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
