At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
